For many years, grief was explained through stage-based models. The most well-known is Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s “five stages of grief”—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this framework gave people language to talk about loss, modern research shows that grief is far more complex. It does not follow a straight line, and people do not “complete” stages in order. Instead, grief is multidimensional, fluid, and deeply personal.
Moving Away from Linear Stages
Stage-based theories helped normalise grief and reduced stigma, but they also created misconceptions. Many people who did not move neatly through the stages believed they were grieving “wrong.” Research now shows that grief is not linear. It ebbs and flows, often resurfacing years after a loss. In fact, psychologists highlight that grief is better understood as a process of adaptation rather than a checklist to complete.
Modern Bereavement Theory: A Broader Perspective
Today’s models of grief reflect its multidimensional nature. These frameworks capture emotional, cognitive, social, spiritual, and cultural aspects of bereavement. Rather than focusing on fixed steps, they emphasise flexibility, meaning-making, and ongoing bonds with loved ones who have died.
The Dual Process Model of Grief
Developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, this model suggests that grieving people move between two main types of coping:
- Loss-oriented coping: confronting and processing the pain of the loss.
- Restoration-oriented coping: adjusting to life changes, building new routines, and finding ways to re-engage in daily living.
People naturally oscillate between the two. Some days they may sit in sadness and memory. Other days they may focus on work, relationships, or hobbies. This back-and-forth movement is healthy and necessary for healing.
Continuing Bonds Theory
Unlike older models that encouraged “letting go,” continuing bonds theory recognises that maintaining a connection with the deceased is normal and adaptive. This may take the form of cherishing memories, talking to the person in thought or prayer, or living in ways that honour their legacy. Far from being unhealthy, these bonds can provide comfort and meaning.
Meaning Reconstruction Theory
Robert Neimeyer’s work highlights the role of meaning-making in grief. Loss often disrupts a person’s sense of identity, purpose, or worldview. Healing involves reconstructing meaning—finding new ways to make sense of the loss, integrating it into one’s life story, and redefining identity in light of the absence. Research shows that people who can create meaning after loss experience lower distress and greater resilience.
Grief is Multidimensional
Modern theory also recognises that grief extends beyond emotions. It touches:
- Cognition: People may struggle with memory, concentration, or intrusive thoughts.
- Physical health: Fatigue, sleep problems, and somatic symptoms are common.
- Behaviour: Some may withdraw socially, while others immerse themselves in activity.
- Spirituality: Loss can deepen faith for some, while others may question long-held beliefs.
- Culture: Rituals, traditions, and family values shape how grief is expressed and understood.
This multidimensional view shows why grief cannot be confined to a single model. It is a holistic experience that moves across every layer of life.
The Problem with “Moving On”
A common misconception is that time heals all wounds or that people should eventually “move on.” Modern bereavement research challenges this. Grief does not simply end; it changes. People learn to live with loss, often carrying it in different ways throughout life. Anniversaries, family milestones, or even a familiar song may reignite grief years later. This is normal and does not mean someone is stuck.
Why These Modern Models Matter
Understanding grief as non-linear and multidimensional helps reduce shame. It reassures people that there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. It also encourages professionals, families, and communities to provide more compassionate support. Instead of pushing closure, modern bereavement care focuses on helping people adapt, honour bonds, and find meaning.
Supporting Yourself or Others Through Grief
If you are grieving—or supporting someone who is—it may help to remember:
- Grief is not a straight line. It is natural to have good days and hard days, even years later.
- Staying connected to your loved one in meaningful ways is healthy.
- Making sense of the loss takes time and reflection.
- Professional support, such as grief counselling, can help navigate the emotional, cognitive, and physical challenges of bereavement.
A Compassionate Picture of Grief
Modern bereavement theory paints a more compassionate picture of grief. It acknowledges that loss is not something to “get over,” but something to live with in new ways. By embracing the multidimensional, non-linear nature of grief, we open space for healing, meaning, and continued connection.
At MLA Psychology, we walk alongside individuals and families navigating loss. Our psychologists use evidence-based approaches that respect the uniqueness of each grief journey. If you or someone you love is struggling with bereavement, reach out to us today through MLA Psychology to book an appointment and find the support you need.
